“Daddy, Noooo!” That is how Quennie would react whenever I will toss Gab in the air and slam him to the bed.
Gab, however, will giggle and ask for another one.
Mothers would call this wrestling. But child experts calls it big body play, rough-and-tumble play, roughhousing, horseplay, or play fighting. It can involve chasing, tagging, pushing, pulling, shouting, throwing, smiling and laughing. Rough-and-tumble play can be vigorous, very physical yet very beneficial for young children.
Rough-and-tumble play is not fighting
Rough-and-tumble play among children looks like they are fighting. But there is a difference. With rough-and-tumble play, children laugh and smile. When fighting, children frown. It is important to recognize when it is roughhousing and when it is fighting. There is no need to intervene if the children are roughhousing.
Here are signs that children are simply roughhousing and not fighting:
- Children smile and laugh. They don’t frown or cry.
- Children shows willingness to join and keep coming back for more.
- Contact is relatively gentle. No one is hitting or hurting the other.
- Children switch roles. The one being chased is now the one who is chasing.
- Lots of children participate. No one is dominant.
Benefits of Rough-and-Tumble Play
Research have shown that rough-and-tumble play have more than just social benefits. It has positive results for the child overall development. Some parents, including my wife, find roughhousing a bit, well… rough. She’d ask Gab to slow down when playing with other boys in church. But research shows that children who roughhouse frequently are usually more socially and emotionally competent than those who don’t.
- Social Benefits. Children learn about give and take, cause and effect, taking turns, cooperation and playing by the rules. They learn to set boundaries and follow them.
- Physical Benefits. Lots of chasing, running and physical exertion improves cardiovascular health.
- Problem Solving skills. Children learn to self-correct to keep up with the group and learn to adjust to changes in group rules and dynamics.
- Emotional Benefits. Children learn to empathize with other kids. They learn compassion.
- Learning Skills. Children learn to decipher body languages if the play continues or needs to stop.
Rough-and-Tumble Play with Fathers
This is where I get even with Quennie when it comes to bonding time. She had dominance when she was breastfeeding Gab for 18 months. But for rough play, it’s mostly daddy time! Being rough seems to come naturally for men and boys. 😀
Children benefit from play with both parent. But rough-and-tumble play with father is usually more physical, unpredictable and vigorous than mothers. Children sometimes get more pleasure with more intensity in roughhousing.
There were times that Gab is too shocked with our rough play that he would cry. But it was not because of anxiety. Rather, he was just too startled. He’d say, “Kibot si Gab. (Gab was startled)” The next time I would do it, he would no longer cry and find pleasure in it.
Experts recognize this situations and say it is beneficial for children. It helps promote problem solving and helps them learn to deal with unexpected events. This develops resilience as they grow up.
The simple play of fathers tossing their children in the air seems to have emotional benefits too. The swinging of emotions from being revved up to calming down, helps children manage strong emotions which is important in developing good emotional intelligence or EQ.
Should the girls take part in rough play too? Hear what a mother has to say about girls getting rowdy with boys. And Quennie should watch out what I can do at play if I have a daughter of my own. 😀
Tips for Rough-and-Tumble Play
When doing a rough-and-tumble play with parents or with other children, here are some guidelines to keep it fun and enjoyable for everyone.
- Ensure the play area is safe as possible. Keep away from sharp object and heights.
- Provide guidelines. Help the children make their own rules like no kicking, no punching, no hitting on the head and others. Encourage kids to make their own guidelines, as well.
- Encourage communication. Let children verbalize what they feel and what they want. If they feel hurt, encourage them to say it out. But allow them to solve tricky situations on their own.
- Setup an end time. You can designate a specific duration for play time. Or have a rule that when “Smiles stop – Play stops.”
- Supervise. Have an adult look over if the play is still safe or is someone is starting to get hurt.
Summary
In America, studies have shown that the amount time for play among young children is getting shorter. This should not be the case. Experts believe that play is essential in the overall development of the child. The book The Art of Roughhousing has provided scientific evidence on the importance of play.
Always include a time for play with your little ones. If their friends are not around, we as parents are the perfect playmates too.
Let’s get ready to rumbleeee!!!
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